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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

'The Crane Doesn't Move Round & Round'

so i havent updated this in awhile, because there's too many things happening, i'm scared to write too much.

is that possible?

Misjah came for a holiday. At Last!! :):):):) he managed at the end to get me to enter the pool (first time in many years) where i walked around the sides a lot, but it was a fun change. we stayed at home mostly, and it was a welcome change to coming home alone all the time. again now, i miss my toasteater

parties come all the time, i make sure i only blast it on weekends instead of 5 days a week. Regenerate was musically phenomenal, the level of paranoia was hell, the heat was almost unbearable, but somehow it managed to be fun. the afterparty was even better, although it left me with a mental capacity of a 10 year old till today.

many things to be unhappy about, but i'm incredibly happy.
my smile refuses, but is, pure ecstacy who did i write that for? ;)

i'm going to melbourne soon!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

'Railroad Boys'

in case of those who don't already know, i am back in the Center for Advanced Design (CENFAD) finishing up what i've left off before - a new beginning to end it all. i returned to collect my transcript only to be pulled back in, and start immediately. clearly the abruptness of it all still leaves me lost - i.am.not.ready.

so right now here i am in the lab as was perhaps 7 months ago, sleepy, tired and very, very dreamy.

my refusal to differ about my trip to japan has failed. so after a couple of days of unhelpable, almost chronic depression, i received the best news i've heard in a long long time. He is coming here instead. april is way too far babe!

you made my day (and valentine's)!

apart from that, i leave to bangkok this saturday. yes i will miss marco bailey and james holden's set, but yeah...ok. i need the break from the hard party life. i've been eating a lot of fruits!!

oh look.


See what drug you are.

i know, i'll cut back. the next 3 weeks or a month is no hard partying anyway - thailand? and everything closes at 1. not to mention my family watches over this little one like a hawk. apart from that, due to the excessive use of above said substance before, i officially unfortunately announce that i just don't remember much.

time for class with Bernard.

last news: i cut my finger in DutaVista trying to fix Kamil's backward cigarette lighting technique with a knife and it hurts. not cool.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

'Trips - The Good & The Bad'

A Happy 2005 to those who wish it. here my anti-drug campaign on myself has worked almost beautifully, with one exception of a new year's day contamination which left me hanging on to dear happiness on the DutaVista curtains.

i took a trip back to Penang with Jacqui. shopping galore. we also had a one day trip to Hatyai, Thailand where on the way back, i saw a most traumatising sight which left me entering the twilight zone for about 20 minutes after. for more info, ask me. later on in Penang we were joined by the super-rockgirl-haircut-victim Evelyn. more shopping galore. my wardrobe has considerably grown. looking at it now, its a lot more... colorful. such little things to make a girl happy.

i spent time with Esther, Mandy & Sina in Penang, people i missed along the years. true, Penang is just so stagnant with the lack of improvement that lives that differ elsewhere can reconnect in this little island in the same way we left it last. also met Fahmy after many years, a happy reunion witnessed.

PS: in Penang, life moves on as if the tsunami never occured. the most traumatising thing i heard of it was seeing bodies of floating beach horses in the sea after the occurence. horrifying. much condolence to Amir who lost his house. i'm intensely support the donation which enters his pockets, and others who need it.

back in penang, i also made my decisive effort to talk it out with my mother about leaving to Tokyo after 5 days in Bangkok in February.
i failed to convince.
i refuse to differ.
the good year must not be spoilt, a lifetime's opportunity to visit (according to mark, a place i will fit in - (cutely, must jump up and down saying "I LOVE TECHNO!")) a place where psychotic love, fashion and music preside. where i will love the laughter and the sake-drinking in bed.

and the infectious smile of Misjah.

now back in KL, first thing i did was party with the Twilight Actiongirls. the next day, my trip to the gym was cancelled by sleep but instead worked out a sweat by cleaning out my room, vacuuming beanbags and making space for my new bed. yup a better, lovelier, more comfortable mattress on the floor. my first night's sleep on it (at 6am) was the most beautiful sleep i have experienced in awhile. i am happy.

last night Wetmusik's Simon Coyle and Simon Digby played a great set, i danced more than i would if i was high, loved the moment and later, surprisingly, momentarily ended up in their hotel room with Khaidir, Mark, Jerry, Xul and more. here was my proudest moment, declining a line of my favorite C.

i just came back from IKEA, and spent a crazy amount.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

'Track 1 Is Long'

tonight i sit in midvalley's cybercafe with Evelyn, after a night and day of Playstation 2 playing Harry Potter's Chamber of Secrets and then drinks, food and shopping at Petaling Street with eve, Maricel & Jacqui. its incredible being sobered up, girls' nights - haven't done this in a long long time and the company is wonderful. after a few pints at Reggae Pub meeting backpackers and deep in girly flirtation talk about a bunch of them, i flashbacked myself back in Penang, Chulia St.

drunk.
again.

penang, i'm coming home tomorrow!! going to get a haircut too, time for some restyling once again.
i think paul van dyk is playing on someone's computer behind me. uh-oh.

space out.

i came out again in JUICE magazine with an...uncanny quote. who would think that'd actually be published?
i'm starting to have a harry potter withdrawal.
a 1280-future kiss to you know who you are.


Saturday, January 08, 2005

'My Nails On A Keyboard'

a happy new year.

so far the new year has turned out great. except that i need to repaint my nails.
and get online more often.

Josh Wink played a good set. i wore a black dress with my new red and black socks and i danced - completely sober! mr. wink has funky hair. and i've turned vegetarian again! he is one too, yes? i'm having some sort of writer's block and it's killing me - someone tell me why! it's the nails.

anyway, my Tero has gone back to finland. the outcome is sad. i wish would talk more, smile more to each other, instead of just dreams of villa putri. its emotional distress uncalled for, but expected of. again, i decide to just blink around and smile for the better of everyone.

sweet hellos and a lot more to Misjah all the way in europe too. the red room welcomes if the plans for a free gig for the tsunami disaster happens, plus the 9 liters of kampai (6 which is still yours!!!)

i dont know what to say. oh help! keep the rolex away from me!

Monday, December 06, 2004

'Again I Miss Jah'

there's a couple of things i miss. i missed out on zoukout! (yes, i suffered a great deal and will be suffering more from those who are coming back with stories of it), and i miss mister T. Lehessalo, once again in thailand. i'm still a penguin, one of those who slide across the snow on their bellies. again, i miss yah. :)

but it hasn't been dull. at all. we still have the neverending raves, Sasha played a bad set with starfuckers dancing behind him in the console. dj misjah's set was super, kauniita unia in english in a gorgeous techno remix, did he say he was gonna release it on vinyl? then was the after-party that stretched out 2 days and wrecked me to pieces at the end but it was wonderful. also surprised at timo maas's great electro set, a beautiful wave that fell over me told me that even if i stayed clean from now, things will still be fun.

i'm currently having writer's block due to me multitasking - chewing gum, watching television, talking to evelyn, reading an sms on my phone and feeling sleepy after 12 hours of sleep.

is this what its like to be completely detox-ed and clean for a week? it'll be this way for at least a couple of months.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

'From The HomeFront'

note: as internet access is infrequent, i will post what i will in date-written sections.

.Monday, October 18 2004.
well over three weeks have past since i last wrote anything in my update of sorts. i'm sorry for those who wondered if i have ceased to exist - what can i say? you just need to come back to malaysia and see things for yourself. i don't usually have the time to sit in front of the internet screen long enough to write anything.
nonetheless, it has been nothing but an incredibly tumultous time lately. as fasting month approached, i watched and experienced people pushing themselves to the limit to avoid being as naughty during Ramadhan as they usually are. it's pretty sad really, if a person genuinely wants to repent, why wait for only ramadhan? anyhows, Happy Fasting to those who do. the thing is about fasting is that it's not the problem of being hungry or thirsty, you just get incredibly bored.

in any case, Arash has literally ceased to exist in my world - two weeks on the dot from the day we met. shit happens, i'm past it, i'm just in a deep sense to avenge back my belongings left with him. since then, i've kept myself busy surrounded by company, and going through all sorts of adventures - Anne a.k.a evitaperoni (myspace) from Singapore paid us a visit for a week, crashed with us, but that was that. it was fun having girls' day out, a day of mall-item nick rampages, fashion mixmatch disorders, and oh those neverending parties. to quote Victor G on our private spin sessions at DutaVista: 'These ones aren't 24-hour party people, 100-over hour party is more like it.' funny, but congratulations mister on winning the Vestax Finals. true, the parties are long, but not without gain. i've met new people, interesting characters, and plenty of conversation. a lot to learn, even more fun.

i went for an audition for an Astro TVIQ channel host with emmy and it was pretty funny. i wouldn't mind it though, travelling around to different universities in Malaysia and telling people which place is the best to get an education. it could teach me something too about what to do by next semester. in the mean time, anyone in need of a copyrighter/scriptwriter/person illegally needed to help you with your art homework, i'm pretty easy to find and contact (via online and real life).

my new house is great. it just needs a HELL of a lot more decorating. and i want my new bed...soon. i just can't seem to visualize and arrange my room when my bed isn't the right size, position and height. it's a bedroom, the bed comes first, dammit!

to give you a glimpse of my darker, less sunshine-happy-candy-mission life i lead now, i show you my heart. circumstantially and consequently, i've decided to be single and unavailable. this is where i say i've had enough of lies, manipulation, money, lust and prejudice taking their roles in this city's relationships.

now I dance alone.

it might seem a depressive, the last paragraph but it really isn't. i haven't felt more relaxed. it seems almost beautifully uninteresting, it lacks anxiousness so i can chill even more. yeah i'm taking a big break from trouble, particularly claims of love. similar to Hugh Grant - but this time i'm really Ibiza. the raves don't stop, the sunny beaches like a worry-free environment, and plenty of eye-candy to satisfy me. i can't ask for more.

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.Thursday, October 28 2004.
i'm still living the life of leisure. It's a beautiful thing - leisure. sure, i have not justified the means of admitting independant wealth and therefore, will work one day. but otherwise - leisure is a most priceless thing. work? people work for work's sake. the only object of work is to obtain leisure. the life i lead now is never dull, and my emotional content right now ensures that i'm never lonely either. at the moment my mind capacitates itself to leisure as an art in itself. oh how i appreciate all this right now.

thats going a bit deeper into my conciousness. but to makes things easier to understand: i'm having a jolly good time.

me and Maricel had an insane time, and i'm not exaggerating it. 48 hours of no sleep induced us to psychosis, and combined with the speed in us, our anti-depressant intake made us laugh all that way. it's hilarious - imagine blasting Mew's depressing tones only to have us laughing at every chord. i never found Hoobastank's The Reason more reason to laugh at. what remains of Sunday October god-knows-what will remain a speedy blur of a dream that was incredulously fun.

in case those have not noticed the increase in English vocabulary, it's because i've been consuming books like a beggar to meatpie. particularly the wondrous Somerset Maugham collected short story series, i'm studying human psychology through literature and i haven't had more inspiration to live than this.

and listening to electroclash like there's no world after.

i wouldn't mind having James Zabiela romping around my house in his shorts.

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.Wednesday, November 17 2004.
A HAPPY HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to everyone who celebrates it, and HAPPY DEEPAVALI to those who does. i went and arrived back from Penang where it was considerable fun.

Penang. Hari Raya was mellow, a couple of visits here and there, funny stares at my monroe piercings, and i did like to wear my baju kebaya! and yes, although little, i did get raya money!! there also met up with a lot of people, entered new clubs Glo & Lush, and even fengtau joint S-class, where with 160bpms i never thought bon jovi's 'It's My Life' would sound so good.

i brought my fat, white kitty, Kinky to KL to live with me. now my fat, strange-colored kitty Shinobi has a queen. now i'm waiting for the king to stop swearing and cursing the queen, and for peace to reign in the house again. and my brother is also moving into the next room, something i'm not particularly looking forward to i must admit - if i'm travelling from north to south pole in behaviour, he lives in the core of the earth, and therefore, is able to burn me to death with his monotonous lifestyle. god help, geek doctor lives with his wildchild sister - so says mother.

apart from that, Happy Travelling to the beautiful Tero - the other half of me being a penguin. i'll be jumping you again on the 29th, till then i'll have to deal with kauniita unia of you. Evelyn is coming back on the 29th too - that date marks the ascent to a paradise of laughter and kisses.

is everyone i know going to ZoukOut 2004? Yes. so if you're not going, that means you are going too, or else suffer everyone else having a great time there but you. not often will Paul Van Dyk, Timo Maas, Seb Fontaine, Satoshi Tomiie, (among other many names) will get you bouncing along a beach in Southeast Asia.

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